Saturday, February 23, 2008

Clinging to my safe place

Sometimes, I think maybe I'm too much of a stickler for coloring within the lines, maintaining my own status quo and staying within the confines of my safe borders. Sometimes too, I pear over the sides of the box only to slip back down and revert to my stubborn adherence to doing it my way. And, although others are doing it and enjoying the benefits, I still keep the doors to my comfort zone locked and bolted. I am not ready to think outside of it, break it open or even worse, smash it and take a match to my comfort.

I cling to them all with the defiant shout, "Hell No. I won't go."

Still, deep within, I wonder if I am wrong, stupid, or crazy to want what I want, to insist on my space, my time, my style, my voice and writing it my way with my words. Am I being a "writing diva" when I proclaim, whether aloud or silently, that this is me, this is how I write, where I write, when I write and what I write?

Every now and then, I give in to the annoying voices that keep piling on the pressure to "conform, compromise, sacrifice." I mix it up, even if just a little. Just to see how it will go.

I don't travel too far before the discomfort, boredom, disorientation and full-blown overwhelm set in. And I go scurrying back through the little opening in my box. I rush in, slam the door and curl up in the corner of my private and personal comfort zone. After a few deep breaths to slow down my heartbeat and rid myself of the stench of the unfamiliar, I pull my journal and climb into my chair or crawl up to my computer and begin to write. And I'm home.

When I read Finding My Table by Noelle Sterne at, my heart rejoiced in recognition and identification of a filial writer's voice. Then it settled with a sense of quiet contentment with who I am and what I need for my writing to sprout and blossom.

God bless you Noelle Sterne. You encouraged me to stick to what works for me and my writing. You also inspired me not to so fear the unknown or the different that I render myself powerless to devise a way back to my safe place.

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